Sibling Rivalry 

By Camila Barreto  

 

Definition: competition, hostility, fighting, animosity, and jealousy among siblings.

 

 

Causes: Each child’s desire for the exclusive time, love, and attention of one or both parents.

 

 

Implications:
It takes children 3 years to build their attachment behavioral system. This system is based on the relationship with children’s primary caregiver and bonding figure. Birth spacing is an important consideration in the provision of healthy sibling relationships.

Parents develop different styles of parenting towards their children that is influenced by different factors such as the gender and the temperament of children, and the parents’ own upbringing. Being aware and honest about differences in parental styles can help alleviate sibling rivalry.

Dismissing negative feelings among siblings can exacerbate animosity among siblings. Help children channel their hostile feelings into symbolic and creative outlets with clear boundaries about hurtful behavior. 

Resources:

• Siblings without rivalry by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.
• Parenting from the inside out by Daniel Siegel and Mary Hartzell.

 

 

Temper Tantrums 

 

Definition: children throw tantrums as a way of expressing anger, disappointment, frustration or a need to discharge an accumulation of stress.

 

 

 

Causes: developmentally appropriate.

Types: Manipulative (to gain control) and spill-over (feel overwhelmed).

 

Coping Tips:

 

• Do not punish the child.
• Do not reward the child and give in to his/her demands.

• Do not bother trying to reason with the child when he/she is having a tantrum.

• Do not let the disapproval of other people affect your responses to the tantrum.

 

• Do not get out of control (i.e. yelling, hitting).

• Ignore it, let it pass or leave the room.

 

• Describe the behavior in simple language.

• Explain to the child that the tantrum behavior is bad, NOT the child.

 

• Give the child some alternatives (i.e. use your words).

• Discuss consequences of the tantrum behavior (special situations).

 

• Prevent tantrums by providing routine and behavioral expectations.

 

 

Resources: Hope and healing: Peaceful parenting in an uncertain world by Naomi Drew.

• The happiest toddler in the block: How to eliminate tantrums & raise a patient, respectful and cooperative 1 to 4 year old by Harvey Karp.

 

• Tears and tantrums: What to do when babies and children cry by Aletha Solter